Zom-Bae High: The Undead Are So Over It

 

Genre: Horror / Comedy / Teenage Apocalypse

Rating: R (for ridiculous gore, hormonal angst, and awful puns)

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FADE IN:

EXT. SUBURBAN HIGH SCHOOL – DAY

A perfect American high school. Birds chirp. Teens loiter. A suspicious GREEN SMOKE seeps out of the vape shop across the street.

INT. BIOLOGY CLASS – MORNING

MR. TIBBS (60s, jaded teacher) lectures with the charisma of a stale pancake.

MR. TIBBS

    ...and so, the nervous system is basically...uh...whatever. None of you are listening.

Teens SCROLL through TikTok, pass notes, and secretly vape in their sleeves.

CLOSE ON: KYLIE (17, cheerleader, narcissist) takes a puff from a glowing green vape pen.

She giggles, then suddenly... her eyes glaze over.

KYLIE

    Ugh...my brain feels...like...dead or whatever.

THUD. Her face smashes into her desk. She slowly rises again.

But now... her jaw unhinges. Her skin sags. She’s a zombie.

KYLIE (cont’d)

    Braaaaains...but make it low-carb.

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INT. CAFETERIA – LUNCH

Panic erupts. Students SCREAM as Kylie BITS into BRAYDEN (17, shirtless for no reason) during a romantic chicken nugget proposal.

BRAYDEN

    Babe, did you just—wait, why is there a tooth in my—

CHOMP.

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EXT. FOOTBALL FIELD – NIGHT

The town is in chaos. Helicopters crash. Teachers run in slow motion. Cheerleaders cartwheel with DECOMPOSING LIMBS.

The undead teen horde grows:

Goth zombies who moan about “dying before it was cool”

Influencer zombies live-streaming their attacks:

ZOMFLUENCER Smash that like button before I eat your face! #ZombaeLife

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INT. MALL – FINAL BATTLE

The few survivors—led by TINA (16, honor student, track team, totally ignored)—hole up in a Claire’s.

TINA

    If we can just upload a signal to the school’s intercom system, we can play *Nickelback*.

                    JEREMY (17, band geek)

    What?

                    TINA

    Zombies hate bad music. It’s science. I read it on Reddit.

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CLIMAX:

As the undead teens crowd the food court, the loudspeakers BLARE:

> 🎵 “LOOK AT THIS PHOTOGRAPH!” 🎵

ZOMBIES SHRIEK. THEIR HEADS EXPLODE.

Even Kylie, now a headless torso with pom-poms, lets out a final sad TikTok dance.

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EPILOGUE – INT. DETENTION ROOM – DAY

Survivors sit in silence. The walls are scratched with the words: “ZOMBAES NEVER DIE.”

A faint squelch is heard... from inside a forgotten vape.

SMASH TO BLACK.

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TEXT ON SCREEN:

"Zom-Bae High 2: Prombitious – Coming Soon.

 Probably in 3D.”

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THE END.

(And possibly, civilization.)

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